I have been involved in coaching/mentoring people for over 15 years. My longetivity in this reflects my concern for poeple and a desire to improve their situation. When I first began my model was a problem centred model. I used to ask questions like:
- What did you do wrong in this situation?
- This action or thought pattern reflects a shortcoming in your character what are you going to do to change this?
and so on ……..
Today I don’t think that these questions were good questions. Even though I really did want to help these people I was not equipped with the right questions to be of the most benefit for them. As I wrote in a recent post that looked at empowering and disempowering questions that we can ask ourselves I think that some of these early questions that I asked were disempowering for the people that I was coaching.
It was interesting to reflect on my personal growth in this area when recently a person that I was coaching mentioned to me that the questions that I ask are ones that highlight strengths. So now I tend to ask questions that endeavour to bring out the positive aspects of a person’s life experiences.
It is very easy to see what is wrong in someone else. An imperative required in choosing coach is to find the person who can see what is right in you and ask you questions that affirm and strengthen that rightness.
If your executive coach is asking you questions that only ever feel like they are pointing out what is wrong it may be time to reconsider who is your coach. Find a coach who works from your strengths and encourages your uniqueness and who asks questions that affirm these things in you.