The night I said goodbye
To my first born son
Showed me
There aren’t enough tears
To ever properly say
Goodbye.
You hold and sob
And, wonder at this pain
That wakes
In the early morning
Day after day
Grief
That will never be explained.
When sadness first visited
I thought
I will never feel this again,
Pain ripping deeply,
Lightning can’t strike twice?
But, it keeps coming
Knocking at my heart
Life’s call on me, questioning,
Will I choose to love?
Facing its beauty and terror
Compassion’s call to care
Touching my inner parts
I become vulnerable to trust,
Only to break again and again
Saying goodbye with tears.
Time doesn’t change
How much each goodbye
has cost,
What is deeply held,
Doesn’t leave easily
It reaches back at me
Asking me to stay.
My heart cries, and,
I want to be back there
But, I am forced to move on
Life keeps swirling around
With its daily demands.
I cry out of shared pain
Collected in hearts
A gathering of love,
Intimate in a broken moment
Belonging to only us,
Wondering about how to trust,
Wanting believe again
Fearing its cost.
