Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

ABC’s of being a Father – L

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Love – And lots of it. What a big word that is so maligned by so many people. Yet this is so neccessary for our kids to see demonstrated.

Firstly they need to see me love their mother. I am very committed to my kids seeing this happen. It was demonstrated by my Father to my mother and I think he set a great foundation for me to continue that on.

Secondly the kids need to see me love them. For example while trying to write I have been interrupted a hundred times (well at least 5) and that is ok. Because love means showing that they are more important than me writing about being a loving Father.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always "me first,"
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. (from Paul)

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Uncertain future

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I often wonder why I do this to myself. That is forsake certainty for uncertainty. I am just about to change career directions and I sometimes I wonder why I do these sorts of things to myself. I guess it is because I still have a sense of adventure about life.

I do feel sorry for my wife April at times. She is a great mother, my best friend and my most loyal supporter. But, I think that she would like a little more certainty especially because we have a young family and there is a strong nesting instinct.

In the midst of all that is God. I think that my faith in him gives me the freedom to take on new challenges. Ultimately I do have complete trust in him that he will see us through all of this.This doesn’t mean that there won’t be hard and stretching times in the near future.

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ABC’s of being a Father – J,K

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Joy – I know that there is so much to worry about when raising kids but I think that we also need to claim the joy that comes from knowing these people in a way that no one else will never have the privelege of doing. Count you blessings your child will only ever have you as their Dad that makes you unique. Enjoy it.

Kindy – As much as I love my kids Kindy is a sanity stop. You drop them off and someone else looks after them for a day. In an era where there is so much pressure on the nuclear family and where families are so distant the and extended family is not always available to care for the kids. If they are able to help you out then you are fortunate, for the rest of us there is kindy.

Discipline – What do children really need?

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Discipline with love

This is one of the hardest things that I have found with my children. I thought that that in my role as parent that it would come naturally. When I saw something being done wrong I would punish that behaviour and my child would change their behaviour to suit me.

Wake up Chris.

It is easy to discipline when annoyed or angry but to discipline in love requires that I can discipline myself. Loving discipline requires the onging forgiveness when the lesson isn’t learned the first time. Why does every meal have a similar theme. Didn’t I punish the kids last night for not eating their meal? Why don’t they come immediately when I call? Why is there always one more thing to watch on TV?

Discipline requres that I act consistently. Although they might not respond consistently as the adult I need to give my kids the boundaries that they need. Without them learning these boundaries they will grow up to become irresponsible adults.

Really discipline is all about love. The longer you wait to disciplne the longer the child has to wait to understand that facet of a loving relationship. By taking the time to correct something within your child it demonstrates that you care about their present and their future. It dignifies them as a human being because it says that they are special to you.

The heart of discipline is love.

Rules for discipline:

1. Make sure that it dignifies the child – talk to the child about what is going on.
2. Never do it publicly it will humiliate the child
3. It needs to be consistent
4. Don’t correct every detail of your child’s life
5. Start young – when they can understand what is going on.
6. For teenagers you don’t have to win every battle.They are learning to be adults and you must teach them how to respond when things don’t go their way.
7. Always allow room for your child to fail – Discipline must be reasonable
8. Learn to understand your child – Every child is different and so discipline will need to be appropriate to that child’s needs
9. Discipline isn’t an act it is a lifestyle of modelling and teaching.

The first time

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My daughter lost her first tooth yesterday. It was an event that we had waited for almost a week from when we first noticed that it had become loose. That week was quite an exciting week in which I proposed a number of options to enable the tooth fairy to come early.

One was to tie some string around her tooth and for her to lay in bed while I shut the door. This would mean that her tooth could be quickly pulled. Another was to send my son to the toolbox to find some pliers. I assured Sophia that this could be quick as well. She didn’t take me up on any of my offers.

But the big day did finally arrive. The tooth came out. She went to bed very excited that sometime during the night the tooth fairy would come. And, it did. Sophia knew this because it left fairy dust on her bed and some money in her tooth jar.

Sometimes a bit a fantasy is nice in life. We get rid of Santa and fairies and fun too soon in our children’s lives. Sometimes I think that we need to hold onto those things more in life. It may not make us more successful but it will make life a lot more fun.

The ABC’s of being a Father

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 A. Allow time for lots of questions. Our four year old son’s favorite question at the moment is, “Why?” These are important things for him and need to be answered.

B. Be there. I know that this is stating the obvious but if you are not there kids know. And don’t try to excuse not being there by talking about quality time. Of course we need to spend quality time but we make the quality by investing in the quantity.

C. Care for the whole family. One of the best investments that you can make for your kids as a father is to care properly for their mother. How else are your sons going to know how to treat women and how are your daughters going to know how the men in their life are to be treated.

D. Dare to see life as an adventure. I know that kids need to see stability but life is also an adventure and needs to be lived to its fullest.

E. Encourage lots. Don’t fall into the trap of endessly criticising you kids expecting perfection. Be happy when they nearly get things right.

more coming……..

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5 Lessons my Dad taught me

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 1. Work hard – he is 70 and works three jobs not because he has to but because he enjoys himself. I admire his work ethic.
2. Don’t just say I love you – live it. I can only remember Dad saying I love you once after I had gotten drunk and been a complete idiot at 16. That meant a lot to me but I know that everything Dad has done is an expression of his love for me. More than saying it he has lived it faithfully.
3. Be faithful to your wife – They have been married for over 40 years
4. Be interested in everything – Dad has his nose in everything. If he doesn’t know he will find out.
5. Keep learning – Dad is still willing to have a go at many things even starting a new career at 70. He hasn’t stopped learning yet!

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5 Rules for happiness

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Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

I think that it was Dr Victor Frankl who recognised after living in a concentration camp that happiness when pursued as an end in itself was a futile goal. He recognised that even when people lived in the most attrocious conditions that there could still be a measure of joy in their lives.

My time management

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I am not always that organised when it comes to time management. But, there are some days when I think that I get a lot done and they feel rewarding. I have just started thinking about what contributes to those rewarding days.

Minimize interruptions

Our household is a constant interruption. I have four young kids. So I will say no more about that. Today everyone is gone and I things are completed. So today when everyone has been out I have put my head down and got stuff done.

Write a list

Lists can be so satisfying especially when you are crossing off items. Today I have paid the bills, organised for a meeting tonight, sent off some bills and done some enjoyable writing. My list is nearly finished.

Do the hard things first

I don’t like making some phone calls. Today I rang people first and cleared those jobs straight away. I don’t like  paying bills. Don’t get me wrong I think people should be paid for what they do I just don’t like having to physically pay bills. It take time and is so unrewarding to see your credit card balance decrease. I have all my bills up to date.

Just do it

Start now. Do those jobs that have been put off now. It is the only way they will get done.

Tough Love

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I think that it was Freud who said that good mental health means that a person is able to love and to work. In a family loving is often very difficult. Being loving means that as a Father I am forced to make difficult decisions and stick to them. This is so my kids can get the consistency that they need.

Tough love demands that each family member assumes responsibility for their actions and choices. For the parent this means that they will not be manipulated by their children’s emotional reactions to their discipline. Parents need to realize that even though they may teach their children right that their children may make choices that contradict that teaching. The parents need to realize that this is not their responsibility.

Tough love requires the parent to:

1.Take a stand and stick to it.
2.Not be manipulated by their children
3.Provide help when the child needs it

I thought that this would be so easy when I became a parent. That because I was the adult I would instinctively know the difference between right and wrong and pass that onto my children. I realise more and more that love is a tough thing to live out. In my children’s life it is my responsibility to ensure that they will be equipped later on to be able to make the right choices in life.

Career Stages

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Career Stage Age Characteristics (Super)

Growth Birth to 14 or 15: Development of self-concept, capacity, attitudes, interests, needs, general understanding of the world of work

Exploratory 15-24: “Trying out” through classes, work experience, hobbies. Tentative choice and related skill development

Establishment 25-44: Entry-level skill building and stabilization through work experience

Maintenance 45-64: Continual adjustment process to improve position

Decline 65+: Reduced output, prepare for retirement

Effective fathering – Have fun

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I think that laughter is one of the greatest gifts that a Dad can give his children. One of the favourite things that my children say to me is, “silly Daddy.” This is because I am very silly sometimes. It’s true.

I really want my kids to grow up knowing that fun and laughter should be made a habit. It needs to be worked at especially if their personality doesn’t find it as natural as some. In our family Sophia is quite serious whereas Yasmin is always prepared to laugh at almost anything.

Mums tend to have the hard work of child raising. A part of a Dad’s role is to bring fun into the life of the family. It tempers the discipline that sometimes a Father has to enforce. And sometimes they need to give their wife the room to have fun with the kids too. I always find it amusing that even though I am the one who buys sweets when we are out and with me they tend to get things their own way that it still their mum that they turn to most of the time.

Our life has it share of difficulties. April and I have often reflected that the past 3 years have stretched us the most of the 14 years of our marriage. We have struggled financially, we have struggled in my work, we have found living in a new environment very disruptive. Yet we need to remember in the midst of this that we need to continue to have fun.

I like being the “silly daddy” who provides for my family.