I have waited impatiently Lord,
Trapped in my own fears,
Sad and full of self blame,
For my failures.

Waiting means uncertainty and anxiety,
And, in the meantime,
It looks like I am passive,
Letting others run over me,
They say I am a failure,
They even think they are better than You.

Waiting means trusting,
Certain of your love,
Instead of being anxious,
I will look for expressions of your eternal love,
Life’s eternal breath,
Breathed into me,
Gives me a confident voice,
Daily declaring your goodness.

When I think about you Lord,
I think of awesome power wielded gently,
When I think about your creation,
With its amazing intricacies,
Its ongoing life rhythm
All of which you control,
I am amazed.

In the midst of your creativity you made me,
Not just for fun,
You wanted to care deeply for me,
Picked out of creation,
To be called by my name,
You are not afraid to show;
Awesome power loving flawed perfection.

What a way to understand God!
My God who knows my name,
I continue to be amazed by infinite love,
Expressed by your relationship to life.

Lord, I know that my choices have brought me here,
My prayer is that you will not give me what I deserve,
Please give me relief.

You can see my deep pain,
And the hurt that I have caused,
You know that I have turned away from sin,
You can see my deep anguish,
Over how I didn’t follow you,
When I should have known better.

Please Lord,
Let me sleep,
Without waking in the morning’s early hours,
Anxious and wishing that I was dead.

My choice is to leave behind,
Those who don’t follow you,
Not because I stopped caring,
I want a God first approach to life,
It’s a much more merciful life,
That opens up more of God’s grace.

Those who choose to oppose you and me,
They have worn me out,
I will have to leave them to you God.
They will have to live with their choices,
Let them see what they have done,
Hit them in the face with it’s full impact,
So that they will turn to you.

Spoken and unspoken promises,
Stretched into an endless horizon,
A sure promise is the certainty,
Every promise will be broken,
Each one bears my heartache,
Understood more each day.

Every pilgrim’s journey,
Is only found by walking,
With an unknown destination,
That has the frightening prospect,
When the ground below,
Disappears into an eternal abyss.

Each step must be taken,
Into the uncertain promise,
Of what ground lies beneath,
The honest conversation begins,
With that first promise,
A first uncertain step,
Taken with the hope of knowing,
The trust within the promise,
Where the horizon beckons,
With a welcoming embrace,
The place where I always belong.

The measure of a man is not in his grandest thoughts,
The self deluded picture of a courageous act,
Reality brings all actions together,
Truth explores love’s result
Courage sifted by love,
Nothing left,
Coward.

Give me the coward who can sob about his weakness,
Who knows there are other things to cry about,
He can gaze into the weariness of sadness,
Eyes that know the glare of judgement,
The delusions of control,
Knowing these lies,
Hero.

Words spoken from my heart,
The conversation,
Beginning with my yearnings,
Continuing,
With every soul touching mine,
Each word bears a wounding,
Inflicted by the blows,
Given in daily interactions,
Of billions of aching souls.

Questions brought by confusion,
Found in self interested desire,
Seeking selfish answers,
Distractions,
From the conversation needed,
The broken hearted response,
Sheltered by Grace,
Spoken by love’s source,
Living my own conversation,

The conversation,
That belongs to me,
Is the one that begins today,
Starting,
With the conversation I choose,
Words that belong in the past,
No longer a part,
Of what lies ahead,
New words begin shaping.

The conversation that I choose.

The open arms of love,
Stretch from eternity to my heart,
Born from loving desire.
Voice, Breath and Spirit,
Speaking in a beautiful whisper,
That lights my heart’s fire,
Warming in the fiercest winter,
Sweet coolness in the barren desert,
Celebrating life given,
Created for loving embrace,
Drawn together in perfect harmony,
Beautifully crafted,
Eternity’s desires completed,
When the beloved comes home.

Alone is the truest question,
Where shadow,
Sees light,
That seeks out,
My sincerest emotion,
And,
Asks,
Is this really me?

Alone is my questions,
From my path,
Belonging to me,
No one else,
That deepest part of me,
And,
Asks,
Where do I belong?

Alone brings uncertainty,
To the surface,
The question,
I don’t want asked,
Giving me difficult answers,
And,
Asks,
Will you take the next step?

Today is a day of praise,
Speaking God’s name brings praise,
He is:
My Father who is proud of me;
My beloved King that I want to obey;
Grace that gives everything to me;
Love that keeps loving me;
Hope that always sees the best in me;
Trust that is sure and fixed on me,

To know that this morning he opened his heavens,
To see how I am going and to make sure,
I am ok,

I am blessed
I am blessed
I am blessed.

God speaks lovingly to his child,
Words saying she has a special place in his heart,
When there is conflict everywhere,
When feeling the enemies of doubt and worthlessness,
This is when God’s power will be on display,

God doesn’t fool with his children’s emotions,
His love in constant and ongoing,
He sees you as wonderful and uniquely precious,
His children belong to him.

God is with you my child,
He is waiting to defeat your enemies,
Drink from his words today,
So you are ready to face the day.

When I consider your goodness Lord,
It highlights my poverty,
I have realised how much I need you,
It’s finally got through my thick head,
That I need your forgiveness,
Without it my life is wretched.

Thank you for restoring me,
You have brought joy to my life again,
By helping me to remember,
That I belong totally to you.

My dear enemy,
Why do you think you are so right?
You pretend to care,
While planning selfish destruction,
Words are used to confuse the truth,
Relishing in unleashing each painful barb.

Dear enemy you appear to be powerful,
It’s an illusion and I fear for your future,
When God completes his plan,
Truth will be brought in the daylight,
Self declared truth will be seen as foolishness,
People are already incredulous at your self deception,
Your plan won’t work in the end,
Getting ahead is never about destroying others,
God’s way is about lifting people up.

I choose to put my roots in God,
I choose to trust God,
I choose to praise God,
I choose to put my hope in God,
I choose to declare this daily.

Rock bottom is the worst place to go to,
It’s the place where all hope appears to be lost,
I’ve been there.
Making it much worse,
Was that my “friend” wanted to destroy me,
He wanted to see me with nothing,
I am glad he will reap what was sown,
His actions are his shame,
I trust God’s wisdom in sorting out what was done to me,
I am not worried about it any more,
My life has taken a new turn,
It’s the God shaped life,
That can’t be touched by anyone.

When I was really down,
I cried out to you,
I couldn’t help myself,
I was a total mess,
I needed someone to rescue me,

Compared to other offers of help,
God’s help has no ulterior motive,
I will declare this to anyone who will listen,
God now you are my first choice.
I should have known better,
Than to trust anyone but you,
You don’t care what I think I can do,
It’s all about what you do for me,
My life is a witness to your power and provision.

This is my declaration to the whole world,
My God is my Saviour,
He delivered me from despair,
Now I live with hope as my constant companion.

I need to not worry about what others do,
Or think they are getting ahead,
What they create won’t last,
If it doesn’t come from a heart,
Turned to you God.

This is the path God has for us:
Trust in God – Live creatively.
Seek God’s will- Live obediently.
Listen to God – Live attentively.
Don’t worry – Live freely.

God’s opposition don’t have long,
The outcome of their actions,
Will be held to account,
Their words will come back to bite them,
The people that they sought to bring down,
Will be given a place of privilege by God.

It’s great to live life being cared by God,
I’ve seen the outcome of selfishness over and over,
It doesn’t work,
It’s much better to give it away,
Than to tread on others for the sake of selfish ambition.

God knows the reasons for our actions,
He is going to reward those who have sought him,
The day of selfishness is nearly over,
It’s future is short,
Instead seek God and eternity is there to be grasped,
God is waiting to share it with us forever.

Some people choose a path of self destruction,
They don’t care about you God,
Because they think more about themselves,
Elevating their own importance,
Flattering themselves by crushing others.

Sooner or later the truth comes out,
They trap themselves in their own lies,
Ensnared in a deceitful path,
They fight its death trap,
Even when they try to sleep,
The truth of their actions haunt every waking hour.
Evil has its consequences,
Sooner or later its perpetrator’s,
Will face the music.

Short term gain is not the right path,
for those who love God with all their hearts,
I will take your protection every day,
Trying to save myself is too hard,
You are the one that saves.

This love is returned a hundred times my God,
You will protect me against the proud,
I am protected by your word to me,
That says I am your  child,
There is nothing that I don’t control,
Trust me to protect you.

The time is fast coming,
Where things are set right,
There will be no escape,
For those who choose to reject you.

Why do some people seem hell-bent on my destruction?
They are well armed,
Wielding their weapons of mass destruction,
Against me personally.
What do I do with my enemies God?

I don’t wish ill on anyone yet I still have enemies,
God I am turning to you to protect me.
When someone comes against me,
With attacks that don’t let up,
Even when they have me down,
They keep coming with more vindictiveness,
Watching for every opportunity
To put in the knife,
Stabbing me in the back,
Twisting it to cause maximum pain,
This is really is an attack against you, God.

For a long time,
I thought you were ignoring me,
Enemies were gloating at my distress,
I was trying to do my best,
My best was never good enough,
Every little failure was an opportunity,
To twist that knife a little more,
To make sure that I could never feel good.

One day justice will be done,
All in your good time God,
You will turn their gloating into a cry for help,
Lies will be exposed,
Truth will win out in the end,
This will be your opportunity God,
To set things right.

In the meantime,
I will keep serving you wholeheartedly,
I will keep trusting you have my best interests,
This will be an opportunity to tell others about you.

Life is full of distress,
It’s a relief to know that God is always with me,
He looks closely at my heart,
To see if my actions come from my love of him.

God wants his children to be happy,
He wants us to shout out our praises to him,
Praises that come from a heart of thankfulness,
Praises that see God’s provision,
Praises that cannot be kept to ourselves.

Here’s what I know to be true,
This is because I’ve seen God do these things,
There is only one person that is totally trustworthy,
That’s God,
Follow him and you will not be limited by difficulties,
Opposition has no hope against God,

Lord hear my heart today,
I love seeing your hand at work in my life,
Thank you that you see me through my troubles,
To help me emerge more confident in you.

 

My Lord, My Lord, I feel like I am treated like the faithless,
They look at me and think that I am weak,
But I want you God to lift my head up,
I want your glory,
What do you say to me?
I heard you Lord, in the night’s stillness.
You take my independence and teach me to rely on you,
You say, I need to put all my confidence in you,
Even though I think that it looks I’m crazy,
Tonight Lord I pray that I will sleep well,
Confident in your provision,
Knowing that I am your child,

I am blessed
I am your child.
I am blessed,
I am your Son.
I am blessed,
I am your beloved.
I am blessed,
You have delivered me.

Lord I have lost my joy,
I feel like I don’t belong,
Regret is all around me,
Yearning for what was promised,
But, living in a world that hates God,
Means my enemy’s voice is loud in my ears,
They scream at God – mocking him,
Thinking that God doesn’t hear.

God’s day is coming,
Every vicious word heard,
God has not forgotten me,
Even when I am in the midst of strangers,
Mockers will be humbled by God,
God will make all things right.

Dear God my life is a testimony,
To your belief in me,
I am just a minute speck in time,
My life was a futile attempt to be important,
But, all my efforts left me depressed,

Forgiveness is what unfetters my life,
I waited too long to understand this fully,
My God was always waiting for me,
Love oozes from God’s being day and night,
He seeks me out,
To embrace me – with a bear hug,
Oh how I love his smell!