Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Putting a boy to bed

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Those who approach life like a child playing a game, moving and pushing pieces, possess the power of kings. Heraclitus

I couldn’t resist putting this in. We rest easy at night at our place knowing that there are many superheros with us who will protect us if there were to be any problems. It is quite a job collecting them each night and making sure that they are positioned just right. However we managed it quite quickly tonight. Also missing is a stuffed crocodile from Australia Zoo. It didn’t quite make it into the shot but Steve is pretty big in my son’s eyes a the moment.

toby bed

How to provide really terrible customer service. Be able to tell your customer absolutely nothing

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Recently we ordered a printer from a very well known manufacturer through an awards scheme. Great idea, I have been plugging away for ages using a black and white laser printer but with so many photos of the kids we wanted to also start printing some of them.

We were rung by a courier company the day before the delivery asking what time we would be home and we were given a two hour window of when the delivery would occur.

Two hours after we were supposed to have the delivery I thought I would like to try to ring the company to see if there was an ETA. However, I hadn’t got the number or the name of the company. No problems I thought I would just give HP a ring and see who they used as the courier for my local area (I had been told that they were the HP deliverers).

So I look up the company’s website and get the numbers for my region. Thankfully they are local call rates so I begin wading through the pressing this number if I want this service and that number if I want to go here. Finally I get to a person and I ask if he could tell me who they used for deliveries in the capital city in my state. He couldn’t tell me. Eventually I discover that they are in another country and he simply does not have the information. You can’t get blood from a stone so I ask is there another number in Australia that I can contact who may be able to help. He gives me another number.

I ring it, and then you know the drill. Lots of keypad work until about 7 minutes later I get to be put on hold then another 12 minutes and I am through to a person. This person sounds a bit more local so I start to feel a bit more hopeful. But, she says no I have the wrong number and says that I should have run another number. You guessed it!! It was the first number that I rang. I told her that this number was no help because they didn’t know what was happening in Australia.

She said I just got the wrong section and suggested that I try a different area. I am not hopeful but I try. Again another obvious offshore voice and again I am not any wiser just becoming significantly time poor.

My last hope. I try to ring the awards scheme. Surely they may be able to tell me who at leas they order it through? Nope. By this time I’m feeling very neglected as a customer. Sure I didn’t pay cash but I have more than paid for it by my use of the reward scheme.

I give up. I have to go out and I really don’t care anymore if I miss the delivery. I’ve wasted nearly an hour trying to just contact the company and my excitement over getting a new printer has diminished significantly.

I go out and don’t get home till after 6pm. The Printer has arrived. It just doesn’t feel the same somehow. I will probably try a different company next time.

Chris – Year two

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towerschurch.jpgWe spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.


Chris was one of our students from Cornerstone in Emerald. When he finished his first year he was offered a job as a radio announcer at the Emerald radio station. He started as the night shift announcer and turned what was normally the dullest part of the radio program into a huge success. Chris was offered a promotion in Gladstone and moved there.

Career wise and socially things were booming for Chris. He is a considerate, courteous and fun loving young man and was very popular. Radio announcing is a very public role that has a strong focus on the image. Being young and still unsure of his own image he gradually began to adopt the façade that popularity required. It was all too much and Chris was sucked into a lifestyle that went against all he had grown up with and learnt in his year as a student in Cornerstone.

Chris rang one night and said he was offered a job in the radio station at Charters Towers. More importantly he recognised that he needed to get out of the lifestyle in Gladstone, He asked if he could move in to try and sort things out. Of course we said yes.

Our home was beginning to fill up. Chris was great with Natasha and gave us some relief from her intensity. He also gave her a positive role model.

Charters Towers was a small radio station. Chris was the breakfast announcer and there was only a manager, secretary, and two part time announcers.

Work for Chris was quite intense. His hours were extremely long and the expectations were high. Although his spiritual life was coming together work was becoming more and more a slog.

Within a few months he was offered a job in Mackay. I thought it was too soon and was concerned that he would be sucked into the same lifestyle he had left a short time ago in Gladstone. I said to Chris that at this point I felt it was more important to focus on his spiritual life than on his career. But, I would support him in whatever decision he made.

I was wrong. Moving to Mackay was the best decision he had ever made. He was involved in a small Baptist Church and contributed to. More importantly it was there he met his future wife. Chris by nature is a drifter but Katrina is far more decisive. She is exactly the right person to keep him on track.

Conclusions – Year One

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towerschurch.jpgWe spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

The changes that occurred in the church were imperceptible at first. But at the end of our first year the future looked just that little bit brighter. Our church savings had gone so we worked out a plan at the current income to support me on a part time basis. I saw this as a positive sign. We now had a plan to support a sustainable pastoral ministry, rather than saving to afford a minister for three years or so and then have him leave. This required me to look for other work.

Support for my ministry came from a variety of sources. One of our member’s family began giving her an offering each week to support our work. They would never come themselves but they wanted to make sure we didn’t leave the Towers. The minister’s Fraternal pitched in to support for one day a week the work I was doing at the local High School.

April says that our first year in Charters Towers was one of the best in our spiritual life. It was less demanding socially because there was no one in our age in the church for a start. It takes time to build relationships in a new community. Financially it was less stressful than our years in Cornerstone. It was the first year in our married life that we earned a proper wage. The year ahead looked exciting with the church’s outlook looking just that little bit brighter. I looked forward taking on new roles and the challenges they would bring.

Lessons on change from KFC

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We are seeing KFC make some subtle changes to its corporate image with the most recent updating of its corporate logo. Slightly different colours, slightly different outfit and some subtle artistic changes to the iconic features of Colonel Sanders have combined to create a snappy new look for the the finger licking good people at KFC. They have really done this change well and there is a lot that we can all learn from their strategy for when we anticipate introducing any change in our organisations.

  1. They have kept enough of what is familiar so that we can still recognise where we have come from. Too much of what is unfamiliar doesn't allow people time to transition. Allow people to be able to keep some of what they already know but introduce enough change to allow them to make a positive difference in their lives.
  2. They don't change for change sake. This is only the fifth change in five decades. No one could accuse KFC of just trying to keep up with the latest trends. Change must have a reason and this must be clearly articulated and be in line with reality. I used to work as a teacher and saw a number of new learning iniatives imposed on the staff. They didn't really work mainly because the teachers could see that the changes were only glossy coatings that required surface adjustments but in the end only created unneccessary work.
  3. Keep your core purpose. KFC stands for chicken. Everyone knows it there is no confusion about what you get when you get KFC. This is true of any organisational change. It must be seen to fit with what is the organisation's core purpose and this must be clearly articulated by its leadership.

I have just started reading Ken Blanchard's book on the changes that were introduced organisationally when, KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell were spun off into a new company. It will be interesting to see how this latest development fits with what he wrote about them a couple of years ago. KFC is obviously seeking to position itself in a new way in the fast food marketplace. It is already crowded so it will be exciting to see if such an established brand will be able to push into new markets successfully.

How to clear the decks in your marriage

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Explore unfinished business.

One of the reasons many couples have harmful residue building up over the months of their marriage is that they never come to terms with unfinished business. This business may have to do with unpaid bills, a question of how long the in-laws are staying for Christmas, or whether the kids should be disciplined a certain way. Whatever the issue, mark this down: Every couple has unfinished business. And that business nags at them. It drags them down and drains them of energy.

Every time we have an issue that goes unattended, we increase the pressure and tension in our relationship. So begin your session of ridding yourselves of harmful residue by noting your unfinished business. Talk about whatever it may be, and do your best to make some decisions at this point and gain some closure. To get you started, ask each other: What unfinished business in our relationship is weighing on you most right now?

Talk about your money.

A Reader's Digest survey found the most common lie between spouses is over how much they spent on a purchase. Roughly half, or forty-eight percent, of secretive spouses said they hid the cost of purchases (even in affluent households) within the last month. That was much higher than the two next-most-common secrets, which were over a child's behavior or grades or a failure on the job.

The biggest problem with deceiving your spouse about money is not found in trying to balance the checkbook. No. Money matters are a metaphor for other troubles in a marriage  troubles involving power, security, competence, and self-esteem. That's what makes money so difficult to talk about. And that's why talking about money is vital.

Talk about your emotional needs.

[Talk] to your spouse about your emotional needs. If you are feeling neglected, say so. If you are wanting to be admired, let him or her know. If you don't talk about your emotional needs, it can be nearly impossible for your spouse to meet them. And second, cultivate your relationship with God. Within each of us is a God-shaped void, an emptiness that can only be filled by God. And until we find our connection with God, we will always suffer twinges of disappointment in our marriage. He hears us when we pray.

Talk about your anger.

Anger requires limits and must be talked about routinely. The healthy handling of it begins with admitting you are (or were) angry. Most of us want to deny the presence of anger to control it. But that never works. Repressed anger has a high rate of resurrection. So 'fess up. Own your anger without hiding it or projecting it onto your partner.

Once you have admitted your anger, the next step is to release your vindictiveness do your best to "turn the other cheek" (see Matthew 5:38-48). This practical principle releases revenge and is an insurance policy against resentment. How do you do this? By talking to your partner about how you feel hurt and then surrendering your desire to hurt him or her back. Let your partner know you are letting it go. And if you are inclined, say a prayer that God would protect you both from the reemergence of angry feelings.

Give each other freedom to fail

You and I don't have to be perfect people to have a great marriage. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Because of this very fact, we must give each other the freedom to fail. If you don't, you'll never rid yourselves of harmful residue. And when you are having difficulty letting go of a hurtful mistake by your partner, it is time to consider our next piece of advice on forgiveness.

Forgive when you feel hurt

We do need to forgive each other if for no other reason than because we are married. And no marriage, no matter how good, can survive without forgiveness. We are bound to get hurt. It's inevitable.

In a healthy marriage, two people help one another become better at forgiving by asking for forgiveness, as well as by giving it when needed. "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" These simple words offer a possible way out of the inevitable blame game that traps so many couples and they are sure to release you from the harmful residue that would otherwise bog you down.

Update how well you know your spouse

Mrs. Albert Einstein was once asked if she understood her husband's theory of relativity. "No," she said, "but I know how he likes his tea."

Good answer. Knowing simple intimacies about your partner is at the heart of a healthy marriage. And keeping up-to-date on those ever-changing intimacies is a healthy habit loving couples cannot ignore. So in your pursuit to rid yourselves of harmful residue, take a moment to check in with your spouse. What would he or she like you to know? A quick update will keep next month's harmful residue to a minimum. To get you started on this topic, ask each other: What do I need to know about you that I may not know already?

 

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Finding the humanity in Salespeople

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One of the personal challenges that I have taken on over the past few years is to find something of beauty in everyone that I meet. Now Steve Pavlina has raised the bar that much higher and said that even sales people are to be loved.

When picking up my daughter there are a group of mothers and some fathers who meet at what they call the cowshed. I usually try to smile at everyone and at least acknowledge most people. There are some people who will never look back or make contact in any way. That’s ok with me I guess they have busy lives.

I had an interesting experience in our local shopping centre a couple of days ago. Here in one of the stands selling a product was one of the mothers from the cowshed. But, she has never acknowledged me in the two years that we have been picking up our kids.

Guess what? She smiled at me when I was walking past. And, I think that she may have even talked to me if she hadn’t been busy at that moment. Two years of zero contact and then a smile. I smiled back. Maybe it was because the context had change or perhaps she just wanted to try to sell me something. This is not for me to judge, its just for me to enjoy the moment and take that smile and appreciate it for itself.

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How to deal with difficult people

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Dealing with Difficult People.

All of us have them in our life. I think that I have more than my fair share. There are just some people who will never be happy no matter how hard I try to please them. Dealing with these people is very hard and can tire us out very quickly.

But these people are also important to who I am and what I do. The question that I often ask myself these days is how can I transfer their negative energy into a positive energy. The task is to be able to transform that negative energy into something that is creative and helps them to escape its prison.

Like most of us often my first reaction to a difficult person is to get irritated. Once I am irritated it is very easy to say something that is less than helpful for that person. After I say something that is less than helpful (read into this abrupt or rude) then the relationship is on a downward spiral.

What can I do next to stop this spiral?

Firstly I would try to see first what is good in that person. Even when they try to take me to that negative place first I try to use diversionary tactics and lead them to a better space. Often difficult people will bombard you with problems and issues and controversy. I find an effective strategy is to find something positive to agree on. This allows a platform on which to build a positive relationship.

Secondly I would try to say less and listen more. It always helps to hear what the other person is really saying. When we know that a person is difficult it is easy to stop listening when you feel inundated with their flow of negative energy. Be prepared as much as possible before you meet so that you are ready to listen. Realize that this meeting is going to tire you and you will need space before and after to recover your own energy flow. More often than not if you take the time to listen to another persons story not matter how difficult they may be you will have a greater appreciation of who they are as a person.

Thirdly I would establish clear boundaries for the relationship. Be careful about how much personal information that you divulge because it may be used against you in the future. I only need to share with a few close personal friends because they have the capacity to be totally trusted with whatever I tell them. I have lots of people that I meet and talk with and encourage every day but they don’t need to hear about my personal issues. It is important that I establish boundaries with difficult people because they will tend to overstep into spaces in your life where they don’t belong. Those private spaces are for trusted friends.

Fourthly realize that most difficult people are really searching for intimacy. Often because of who they are they have driven many people away. Usually you will find that their lives are full of shattered, unfulfilled relationships. You can make yourself the one bright light in their lives if you are able to establish caring boundaries that allow for intimacy at a level they have not been able to experience before.

I know I used to be a people pleaser. I thought that every time someone didn’t respond positively to me or reacted angrily that it was about me. I have learned that this is often not the case and that their reaction is more about themselves than me. I do not need to take responsibility for this. When I try to do this all the time I find myself being worn out

When I make a committment to understand I am committing my self to appreciate that person beyond what they may show on the outside. A lack of understanding brings with it bias and ultmately hatred. This is evidenced in the personal and global wars that have been fought since humanity began.When I choose to try to understand I am beginning a peace process within my own life and with all those that I have relationships with.

Whenever I talk to people in the workplace I find that conflict is inevitable. When they describe their situation I can usually discover that at the root of the conflict is another person. A DIFFICULT person. Manage them well and they could become one of your greatest assets.

We are not alone

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I am quite serious about this blog. That is I am committed to its success. I intend for it to become a resource for self development that combines some of the following elements:

  • Narrative – part of it has to tell my story. I like blogs that tell a story in a coherent way. I don't like blogs that are just collections of links or written in such a cryptic way that they are impossible to understand.
  • Self development – every aspect of life is a part of this. I am a father, worker, mentor and a number of other things. All of these come together in the person of Chris Gribble in a unique way. It is very important that I learn to be myself totally.
  • Connection to the wider world – in the web world this means that I have to demonstrate a commitment to the web community by commenting and responding to the feedback that I receive. I am not an island and as the following quote demonstrates I am only a small part in what has become a huge conversation.

No one could have predicted that, just as no one could have predicted the extraordinary, dizzying multiplying of the number of blogs being written. (I don't say read.) That number has been doubling every six months for the past three years: there are now, as of July 31, more than 50m blogs on the internet; 175,000 new blogs are created every day – that's two every second. The dominant languages (they jockey from month to month) are Chinese, Japanese and English. There are 1.6m blog posts a day. What does that mean? What should we think about it? It's hard to know where to start, other than to say that those figures are from Technorati, a blog-tracking and searching website that is one of the indispensable sites for anyone with an interest in the net. What is a typical blog? Who knows? Somebody wittering about what they had for breakfast, or complaining about their boyfriend, or posting terrible photographs of their dog, or how they played Pong last night and it was more fun than some of their new games, or how lousy it is being a policeman, or the sex life of an American expatriate in China. (That blog, Chinabounder, has caused a national scandal in China, and spawned a hunt for the blogger that is itself the subject of a blog, Who Is Chinabounder?) It's almost impossible to think of a subject that isn't being blogged about.(source)

  • Perserverance – one of the key ingredients for success in any venture. That is yet to be proved but this is not a first time attempt at a blog. I have another that I have posted regularly at for nearly two years. It is mostly about my kids and really is a labour of love.

So here I am blogging away. Amazingly people read it. Actually more and more people every day are coming to this site and reading what I have to say. Thanks for being interested. Self development is a fascinating subject that allows the potential for unlimited growth. Therefore I should never run out of content. And as time goes on my own story will continue to unfold. There is still a lot to learn and I certainly haven't stopped yet.

Dealing with Stress

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Introduction

We are all familiar with the word stress. Stress is when you are worried about getting sacked, or worried about being able to pay the bills, or when you just can’t find enough hourse in the day. Stress is an unavoidable fact of life for all of us it is a part of everyday living. How we use it is a vital part of living successfully.

Our body has a different definition of stress. To your body stress is synonymous with change. Anything that causes change in your life causes stress. Initially the term was borrowed from the science of physics. It was thought that people were in some ways similar to physical objects, such as metals that resist moderate forces but lose their resiliency at some point of greater pressure. However when it comes to people determining the factors that contribute to an individuals stress is far more complex.

Definition

Stress is the body’s natural reaction to the events or situations which may confuse, frighten, excite, anger, please or surprise us. It can be pleasant as well as distressful

It doesn’t matter if it is good change, bad change they are both stressful and create a stress reaction. For example when you find your dream house and get ready to move into it, you will experience stress. Go through relationship difficulties and you will experience stress.

Our level of stress is closely related to the amount of control that we feel we have over the changes taking place in our lives. Sometimes it can feel that we are being tossed around at the mercy of the demands of a small child, a needy partner. We are transformed from being a relatively in control independent being to losing control over even some of the most simple decisions that used to be able to make.

stress

How we feel about stress if often a combination of the factors listed above. In a coming series on STRESS, I will outline effective ways that we can manage and even use stress to our advantage. Stress isn’t all bad and if it were missing completely from our lives then we would not always achieve what we set out to do.

Discipline – Definitions and quotes

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Dictionary Definitions of Discipline

  • Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
  • Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.
  • Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order.
  • A systematic method to obtain obedience: a military discipline.
  • A state of order based on submission to rules and authority: a teacher who demanded discipline in the classroom.
  • Punishment intended to correct or train.
  • A set of rules or methods, as those regulating the practice of a church or monastic order.
  • A branch of knowledge or teaching.

Discipline – the toughest job

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Before I became a parent I was convinced that discipline would be one of the easiest tasks of being a Father. After all it was a matter of me laying down the law, creating a loving environment and then determining whether they kids had met my requirements. The reality has been very different and I have that discipline has a much higher calling than merely creating guidelines for my children’s behaviour. Discipline’s purpose is all about finding the potential that lies in our kids and finding the keys that unlock that potential.

Steve Biddulph tells of an experiment was conducted with rats in which they were place in a number of rooms. The first room contained food and a small movie screen that was rigged to operate whenever a lever was pulled. The second room just had food and drink. And the third cage had food and drink but gave the rats an unpleasant electric shock.

Firstly the rats were placed in the room with food, drinks and movies and soon worked out the lever made the movies come on. The rats soon made themselves very busy working hard at the lever pressing it to keep the movie in view. This lead the observers to their first principle: intelligent creatures like to have something interesting to do.

They then placed the rats in the second cage with food and drink but nothing else to do. The rats were content for a while but then started misbehaving. They chewed the walls, fought with each other, rubbed their fur off and generally misbehaved. This led them to principle two: Intelligent creatures will do anything to keep from being bored including things that are self destructive.

Finally they were placed in the room where they could receive the electric shocks. Every time the rats ate they were shocked. To conclude the rats were given a choice between the three cages. What one did they prefer the most?

  • The food, drink and movies?
  • The electric shocks?
  • Only food and drink?

The rats ended up preferring the electric shocks. What do we conclude from this? (that we will do the things that get the most response)

To further back up this point Biddulph tells the following story about an exasperated family trying to deal with their boys constantly fighting. This family was very busy, the father an up and coming professional who put in long hours trying to get ahead. They enlisted the help of a group of psychologists to observe their children’s behaviour and hopefully come up with some solutions.

The boys had their own playroom that was full of soft drinks, had every toy that had been invented at that stage. However the parents discovered that in spite of everything they provided they couldnt stop their boys from constantly fighting. The boys didn’t matter if there were others present.

The evening of a cocktail party was chosen as the time to evaluate the boys behaviour. After the guest arrived and the parents left the children playing downstairs they played quietly for a short time. Soon they began making a lot of noise, but the psychologists noted that it looked more staged than real.

Quickly their father appeared on the scene and began berating the boys for their behaviour. The psychologists noted something that they had never seen in rats, the boys looked chastised except for a curious twist to their mouth. It was named the Mona Lisa smile.

They said that this smile is a secret message from kids that says, I should be feeling bad, and I should look sorry, but I am kind of enjoying this. Parents don’t really understand it but it The psychologists prepared their report which basically said the father needed to spend more time with his sons. The parents dismissed this report took the boys to a psychoanalyst who analysed their dreams for a couple of years with little result. They eventually gave up on this and the father took up golf with his boys and they were miraculously cured.

There are three reasons for most kids misbehaving

  • Children play up because they’re bored
  • Children play up because they feel unwanted
  • Children play up because it gets them noticed

What are the most common circumstances where you need to apply discipline?

  • When you are busy
  • When they are locked up in the house (our kids love day care)
  • When they are left alone

Most of us would possibly say it happens at the worst possible moment. That is why it is important that we ensure that firstly that the problem is not because of their circumstances or something that is not really their fault and secondly that we make the time to discipline. Discipline is not just the immediate response to something that irritates or annoys us. It is all about the nature of our ongoing relationship with our kids. Discipline is perhaps one of the highest expressions of love and one of the greatest gifts that we can give our children.

It is very tough work but allows for the possibility for our children to be able to stand on our shoulders and see just that much further than we are able to. It is through good discipline that our children are able to develop the character that will help them through life’s sometimes difficult journey and allow them to have the resilience to meet the uncertaintities that lie before them. It is the job of parents to provide this platform through the hard work that they put into building these qualities in the life of their children.

Principles for living a strong life

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Principles of Living a Strong Life

Find your Greatest Strength

  1. For something to be a strength you must be able to do it consistently. I know that sometimes I can do something once. To be counted as a strength it must be able to be done repeatedly, happily and successfully.
  2. You do not have to be strong in every area to excel in your role. In fact it is often those who are unbalanced in their strengths who are able to do something great. It is important to be able to let other people’s strengths fill in the gaps as you seek to grow. But, don’t be afraid if you can’t do something outsource it if you need to.
  3. You will only ever excel by maximizing you strengths. Don’t waste too much energy trying to fix your weaknesses. To focus on a problem is a common human trait and ultimately will lead to frustration. Find ways to work around your weaknesses so that you are able to hone your strengths even more.

In determining the sort of life that you want to have take some time to determine what are the main requirements of any task you are considering taking on. This will allow you to be able to focus on what you can offer from your core strengths. This process should be determined as you identify your key talents (this is not meant to be an advertisement but the Green Light Profile is an excellent tool). get yourself a coach to help you in the journey the investment will be more than worth it. It could save you a lot of money in the future. There are a number of other great tools out there that are worthwhile considering and I will try to cover them in a later post.

Find the Source of Your Energy

We all know that passion is a key aspect to success. Without it we quickly lose interest in whatever we are pursuing. Energy is released when we find a task that is intrinsically rewarding. Some people call this, “Flow”.

All of us are different in the way we source our creative energy. Extroverts require the input of others and love focus groups, brainstorming and interaction of every kind. Introverts need the quiet moments to be able to dream, or others require their own workshop or science lab or keyboard. Learn what energizes and what drains you and make sure that you allow enough time to do the things that will give you energy.

What wisdom would you like to pass on to others?

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Steve Pavlina has this list of quotes of wisdom that he would like to pass onto others. Here are a few of them.

  • After the age of 50, you will discover that your greatest trophies in life are your children.- Rod LeGrande
  • There are no ordinary moments. – Mark Valentine
  • Effective communication involves more than talent. It involves trust, respect, understanding, empathy, and resolution. It is an art.- David Rohlander

My addition would be something like this:

” Always seek what is admirable in others it wlll bring you wealth beyond what can be counted in dollars”

How I learned to be responsible

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It happened during the period in my life when I was completing an apprenticeship as a fitter and turner. This was one of the worst periods in my life because of the way that I was treated during this time. One very distinct memory that has always stayed with me was when I received the initiation rite of a first year apprentice.

I will never forget being stripped naked in front of a large group of men and covered in a concoction of grease, marking blue, iron filings and other unmentionable items. The main area that they focused on was putting it on my genitals. After they had finished I was left to walk over to the toilet block and try and clean myself up as best as possible. Then I had to walk several kilometres home while to try and clean myself up.

This really was the beginning of a four year process where I was continually berated in front of the other workers. Where I was continually told that my work was not up to scratch. Where I was told that I would never make it through my apprenticeship, where I was given the most horrible jobs to see if there was some way that they could force me to quit my job.

I remember working as hard as I could day after day in the hope that at best I would just be left alone. The last thing that I ever expected was to receive any praise for my work. But no matter how hard I tried or how hard I worked or no matter how good the job I had done it was never good enough.

This was my experience day after day for four years. I would lay awake at night dreading the next day’s work. Then I would wake up in the early hours of each day dreading in anticipation what would happen to me that day.

I never knew how much my early work experience had affected me until a while later. I left my apprenticeship as soon as my time was up. I then traveled overseas where I found that I was a hard worker.

When I came back I worked for a cotton farmer near my home town for a while. I was taught a hard lesson there by one of the other workers. On any job things will go wrong and in farming there were always things to fix and things that were breaking down.

One day when something went wrong with thej ob that we were doing he said to one of the workers in front of me, “have you noticed that Chris always blames someone else when something goes wrong?”

I really didn’t like what he said, but I realized what he said was true. As a result of how I had been treated as an apprentice I always felt the need to justify any mistake. I made a decision from that day on that I would take responsibility when something was my fault. I even realized that taking responsibility meant taking the blame when I wasn’t at fault.

I think that this is the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned. In making this decision I made a choice to never again be a victim. That I would be able to be accountable and accept the fact that I wouldn’t always get everything right what was important was that I did my best.

What happened to me had nothing to do with my circumstances. I have made lots of mistakes and been in lots of situations where I would like to blame someone else for what has gone wrong in my life. I took a step to change something inside of me that gave me a different perspective on my circumstances.

Most of us have probably heard of the experiment that a guy called Pavlov conducted with some dogs. He trained the dogs to remember that every time he rang a bell that they would be fed. Once they thought they were going to be fed they would start salivating. He repeated this so many times that he only had to ring the bell and the dogs would start salivating.

This highlights one of the key differences between us and the animal kingdom. We are able to change because we have the capability of an inner change. Yes we can also have our behaviour modified because of external circumstances. But, there is also a potential for something more powerful in the way we change to take place in our lives when we choose to be involved in an inner change. We allow for the possibility to become new people no longer dragged down by our past choices. When we change in this way we open a door for new horizons that will move us past all our previous limitations.

A flower for your day

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I always think that a flower is a nice lift for the day. Even though I am a bloke I know that they have a certain mystical power in a relationship. They can do and say so many things.

Sophia my eldest daughter draws flowers all the time. They express a part of who she is and she loves giving them as gifts.

Hope this one brightens your day a bit. I know that when I look at it my heart feels a bit brighter

flower

How to Speak in Public – Your speech structure

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Public Speaking

There are three parts to any talk

1. Introduction Here you tell people what you are going to talk about
2. Body  Here you tell people what you want them to hear
3. Conclusion Here you tell them what you have just told them

Principle One

The greater degree of participation the receiver has the more likely your message will pass on to that person. Communication requires that you create an environment in which the listener connects to the information that you are presenting.

Introduction- Principle Two

Assume your audience is totally disinterested in what you have to say. It is up to you to:

  • know your audience
  • hook your audience

There is the story of Nathan the prophet and the parable he spoke to David who was his king:

There were two men who lived in the same town, one was very rich and the other was very poor. The rich man owned many sheep and cattle more than he could count. But the poor man had nothing except one very young lamb he had bought. He raised it, fed it from a bottle and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food and even slept in his arms. It was like another precious child to him.

One day a traveller visited the rich man. The rich man refused to use one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveller. Instead he took the lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for his visitor. (II Samuel 12:1-4)

This man’s life depended on him getting his point across. If he had started out by saying to his king you are a bad man because you have had an affair with a married woman and then you killed her husband. What would have been his response?

Nathan hooked David with a story and by doing it this way was able to convey the truth effectively. His goal was to get David to recognise his mistake and his use of effective communication achieved that end.

David’s response was quick and to the point. The man that committed such a horrendous crime should die. That was the punishment that was equal to the crime. It was at this Nathan was able to bring his truth home, You are the man.(vs 7) It was then that David was able to realise the full implications of his wrong behaviour.

Hook your audience with:

  • A question
  • A startling fact: for example the newspaper or the evening news.
  • A Story
  • An interesting exhibit (The celebrant with a spanner)
  • A startling statistic

Never start with an apology:

Most people don’t realise most of the mistakes that you make so by saying something about it you only draw attention to a fact that most people arent aware of.

An apology suggests to people that the job has not been done as well as it should be. The only person who benefits from giving this information is you.

Warning: Be careful of trying to start with a joke. If the joke falls flat then it sets the tone for the whole presentation from the square one. It may be very difficult to create a positive atmosphere or be taken seriously from there on.

Be positive: Your face is capable of creating about 250 000 expressions and a lot of communication is not just through what we say but how we say it. IF you are trying to communicate something make sure you believe in what you are saying.

  • Check your fly before you get up in front of an audience
  • Take any keys or change from your pocket to avoid distracting jingling. If you are nervous you may do without realizing
  • Watch excessive or obtrusive hand movements
  • Be conscious of nervous habits that may develop without you being aware of them. Get someone to give you feedback about any annoying repetitious movements you may have.

Body

The body of your speech contains the information that you want to present

Principle Three

Keep it simple. Try to make sure that you keep it as simple as possible remember that most people will forget most of what you say.

Coping with Nervousness

Know your stuff  IF you are familiar with your material then you will be more confident when it comes to standing if front of your audience.

  • Prepare
  • Practice
  • Pactice
  • Practice

Eye Contact

Look at everyone. When you practice, scan your imaginary audience. Don’t move your eyes too fast, as this will be distracting. Don’t do it too slowly otherwise it will be interpreted as a stare and may intimidate the listener to the point they don’t hear what you are saying.

Warning: Never use sarcasm to try to rescue a situation. Sarcasm can end up in a person feeling put down and humiliation should never be our goal when giving a talk.

Gestures

If you make a gesture make it definite timid gestures can be irritating. Be careful about repeating the one particular gesture as this may distract your congregation. Make sure gestures are natural. Practice you gestures beforehand but don’t force them when you are in front of the congregation.

Vocal Delivery

1. Pitch
This is the movement of the voice up and down. Changes in pitch are called melody. Monotone will put people to sleep.

2. Punch
Dropping the voice to a near whisper can be just as effective in emphasizing a point as raising the volume.

3. Progress Timing
Pacing out words can be used to emphasise a point.

In this situation the child is in no doubt that they are to pay special attention to what their parent is saying and will say next.

4. Pause
Rudyard Kipling said, “by your silence you shall speak.” A funny story gives its punch line away by the pause before its delivery.

Repetition

Winston Churchill is famous for is words to the boys at Eton.

Never give up, Never give up Never give up

Martin Luther King is always remembered for his “I have a dream speech”. Over and over he made his point by using this statement repeatedly. These orators used repetition to bring their point home. They effectively used this to communicate to their listeners their main point.

Rephrasing

Say the same thing but say it in a different way. Or using different words to say the same thing or express the same idea but use a different method.

We must remember that people will put your information through their own filters and that different words will trigger responses. Rephrasing can help communicate to more people.

Dealing with Difficulties

  • Disruptions If people come late unless it is absolutely necessary do not address them this will only further serve to distract the people around them from the thread of your argument

Conclusion

Leave the audience with something to remember and an action to take. In summing up:

  • Repeat the main points
  • Prescribe an action

Principle Three

A good conclusion is rarely thought up on the spur of the moment. Plan ahead on how you expect to finish

You can read and listen to these impressive speeches by going to American Rhetoric, at http://www.americanrhetoric.com/. Under the “Most Requested” heading, click on “I Have a Dream.” orThe History Channel’s site at http://www.historychannel.com/speeches/archive.html has a wealth of speech material. At left, under the “Browse” heading, click on “Great Speeches.“ and/orTo study speeches by women around the world, go to http://www.giftsofspeech.org. Browse by last name or by year. Also offered are lists of Nobel Lectures and the Top 100 American Speeches in the 20th Century.

Links

A look at the future of life coaching

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As a relatively new process there is currently little in place to determine the skills required to be a coach. Coaching communities will move towards regulation, registration and systematic organisation. Such changes have come to, for instance, career counselling, psychotherapy, osteopathy and nutritionist-dieticians. In order to establish a recognized profession with secure fee scales, this process must be seen as necessary and legitimating. Every professional coach will want to be involved to allow for new growth in this profession (UK College of Coaching).

First, professions have found it important to seek official recognition of their members efforts and their own contribution to maintaining quality. Professional coaching needs to address this reality by progressing towards official recognition. This will involve research into the productivity gains made by using a coach and the impact it has on its work community(Ibid).

Second, every profession has components of its work which involve coachingrelationships, whether between professionals and clients or between experienced professionals and the newly qualified. Systematic training in coaching may be seen to be a qualification appropriate for senior professional mentors and for the highest levels of every profession. At the top level of every profession, mature professionals aim to enhance their communication and marketing skills and to have an impact beyond their immediate workplaces. Training in coaching will increasingly be seen as one of the most effective methods of doing this (Ibid).

It is essential that research to the doctoral level and beyond becomes a component of the movement towards professionalism within the coaching community. Dr Elaine Cox of Oxford Brookes University, founder of the first European MA degree in Coaching and Mentoring, says, Coaching research links positively with university departments of education, social science and business. Based in education training, she is well aware of the process of multidisciplinary development which the profession is undergoing. The need for coaching is evident in many jobs and professions. In the UK in 2001, some 67% of all employees said they were unhappy in their jobs ((Ibid)).

The UK College of coaching suggests a possible professionaliszation process that will serve to validate the role of coaches in the community. Each of these stages provides benefits to the career coach in their understanding and the communities understanding of their role.

At the 2002 ICF world coaching conference Stober’s keynote address encouraged coaches to adopt the “scientist-practitioner model.” She called this model, “a starting point in attempting to forward our emerging profession (http://www.coachfederation.org)”. A range of developments will be required in this movement towards a scientist-practitioner model. As Grant suggests, It will mean that training courses explicitly address the theoretical and empirical foundations of coaching, and provide training in sound research methodologies, basic statistical and data analysis skills, and foster informed critical thinking skills in student coaches. This approach will provide a more solid base from which to attain the status of profession. Current experience and anecdotal evidence suggests that current coaching is inadequate often just teaching students a method rather than preparing students to understand and utilise empirically sound research. (Grant A and Cavanagh, M International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring Vol. 2, No. 1, Spring 2004 Page 3)

A good example of the current weakness in coaching today is the movement of John Gray of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Once you could become a Mars/Venus consultant in which you espoused Gray’s wisdom. As his franchise has grown to a number of titles one now has the opportunity to become a Mars/Venus life coach. Although his advice may be helpful to those couples reading his book describing people who follow a single coaching methodology without a solid research framework as a life coach should raise some concern for the industry.

Stober in referring to the scientific/practitioner model suggests that as a more critical research based profession develops that coaching will gain validity available to other disciplines.

As coaches bring their “coaching eye” and their “research eye” together, a number of things become possible, she said, including: further dialogue among coach researchers, academics, professionals, associations and training organizations; a coherent body of coaching knowledge, drawn from theories and evidence in related disciplines; rigorous discussion of the definition of coaching; more coaching-specific research, with dialogue on the role of research; development of coaching-specific outlets for publication of scholarly work; and development of funding sources for coaching research.

The most important job

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There is so much I like about what Steve Pavlina says yet I wondered about this post,

I think the most practical solution will be for us to get a long-term nanny who can take care of the kids, while Erin and I leave town for a few weeks. We can afford one right now, but Erin is hesitant to leave the kids for so long, so we'll have to work on those limiting beliefs there too. It probably would be hard on our 3-year old son to be away from us for so long.

I am the father of young children too. There are lots of things that I would like to do but my advice would be to make sure that the kids get the most important thing in their life that is time with their parents. I don't want to take what he said out of context and its nice to be able to dream of what we could do. I am not sure if it is a limiting belief or a concrete reality. The fact is that kids need their mum and dad. I know that for me personally we waited so long to have kids and thought that it may never be a reality for us that I don't want to miss a minute of our relationship. To be away from them for too long would be too much of a sacrifice for me. Steven Covey in "First Things First", talks about his daughter being frustrated at not being able to do the things that she once did with the arrival of a child. He pointed out to her that what she needed to do was realign her priorities. My kids have made me realise a whole new set of priorities and there is nothing better than seeing the kids respond to my input. I am sure that Steve Pavlina will work it out. He has such a great grasp on so many self development issues and has offered so much to so many people. I personally have gotten so much from his blog that I will watch with interest how he deals with the tension between personal growth and family life. I wrote recently about how leadership begins at home and I believe that although we may be able to achieve great things if our inner and home life is not in order sooner or later it will unravel. We only have to look at the recent example of Ted Haggard to see the effect of an unablanced inner world to realise the impact of his actions on his friends, family and wider community.