Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Choices

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To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
– GK Chesterton

I think that we all have choices in life. Certain choices are pivotal. I think that what Chesterton says here is very relevant to the sorts of options that we are often faced with. Does the end justify the means we use to achieve that end?

I tend to think that it is the way that we conduct ourselves on the journey that really matters because we can never really know when the end may come.

Ideals are like stars: you will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the seafaring man on the ocean desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them, you reach your destiny.
– Carl Schurz (1829 – 1906)

Belief and daily life
Few of us apply or know how to apply our belief to our work or lack of work
We make only minimal connections between our faith and our spare time
We have little sense of a Christian approach to routine or monotonous activities
Our everyday activities are partly shaped by the dominant values of our society (Largely shaped?)
Many of our spiritual difficulties stem from the daily pressures we experience
Our everyday concerns do not receive much attention in the church
Only occasionally do theological institutions address everyday life issues
When addressed, everyday issues tend to be approached too theoretically
Only a minority of Christians read theological books or attend theological courses
Most church goers reject the idea of a gap between their beliefs and their way of life

My quote of the day

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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
– Josh Billings-

This is very true of most of what is blogged.

Our new house plans

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I wanted to share this because we are just about to start building a new house. This was my son Toby’s input into the process.

Richard Rohr – Manhood principles

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Finding a valid manhood today is not an easy task. We live in a time where men have been forced to reevaluate their roles and in the process of often lost their way. Rohr has developed 5 principles of initiation that men need to realise if they are to really discover their true selves. Like Jesus said, its only those who lose themselves that truly find themselves. These five principles are difficult because they remove one’s self from the centre.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU. – I am not the centre of the universe. This is the opposite of the self help mantra which tells us life is all about finding ourselves.

LIFE IS HARD – As we are all aware suffering is universal.
There are two main ways that we deal with this pain:
1. We will become inflexible, blaming and petty as we grow older.

2. We will need other people to hate in order to expel our inner negativity.

3. We will play the victim in some form as a means of false power.

4. We will spend much of our life seeking security and status as a cover-up for lack of a substantial sense of self.

5. We will pass on our deadness to our family, children and friends.

Human beings will do everything under the sun to avoid the problems of me, now, and here.

Only suffering and certain kinds of awe lead us into genuinely new experiences. All the rest is merely the confirmation of old experience.

YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT

Transformed people tend to transform people (hurt people hurt people).

Herea Copernican revolution of the mind equivalent to that for earthbound humans when they discovered that our planet was not the centre of the universe.

Catholics have made Jesus into a scholastic philosopher, Protestants have made him into a moralist: so when we can’t get a clear moral code or dogma out of Jesus teaching we simply abandoned it in any meaningful sense (so the Sermon on the Mount  the essence of Jesus teaching  is the least quoted in official Church documents

YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL

The essence of modern self-help: Take control of your life!(but the Twelve-Step program teaches that you must admit you are powerless before you can find your true power.

The virtues in the first half of life are about self-control; in the second half about giving up control. This is how we grow:/ By being deciseively defeated by ever greater forces(Rilke).

If you are willing to serenely bear the trial of being displeasing to yourself, then you will be for Jesus a pleasant place of shelter (Therese of Lisieux).

Attention spans

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Herbert Simon – “What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.”

Polarise or focus – its gets things done

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Whatever terminology we use Steve Pavlina has got it right the more we focus on our goals the more we will achieve. The narrower our focus the greater opportunity that we will have for success.

The more polarized you become, the more you tap into your deepest levels of inner power.  Whether you are a darkworker or a lightworker, your source of power is always found within.  It is not a form of agency or positional power.  You could be stripped of all your worldly titles and possessions and still feel just as strong.  As a lightworker your energy flows outward. (source)

And really we need to ask ourselve what sort of impact do we want to have on our world. Those who are truly polarised speak to the world with authority. They are able to energize others and enable them to achieve their goals.

The unpolarised do not have this authority. They are unable to determine right and wrong, what they should or shouldn’t do and so end up failing. They as Steve puts it are the opposite to a lightworker. In the end they draw from others and suck their energy and dampen creativity.

How would I identify a lightworker? What are the characteristics I would look for?

  • Passion coupled with integrity – Without integrity passion can lose its way. 
  • Vision coupled with insight – vision needs discernment.
  • Motivation coupled with compassion – otherwise people can just get used and not valued

I am sure that there are more. What is important is to identify these people and partner with them. Because when two people are polarised together their capacity is developed exponentially.

Creation – according to Bill Cosby

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As Bill Cosby said:

Man invents. God creates. Man invented the automobile. Called it AMAZING! God made a tree said it was good. Man invented the refrigerator. Called it INCREDIBLE! God made a rabbit and called it good. The wheels fell off the car. The refrigerator lost its cool. Tree's still up and rabbit's still running.

Career Anchor – Summary

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The concept of a career anchor is developed by Schein. He ascertains that there are several layers that form one’s career. Satisfaction is a complex relationship between skills, values, motives and needs. The forming of these perceptions is a process that can require up to a decade of work experience (Schein p.17). People will be motivated by things that they tend to do well.

A career refers to our work life and is relevant to a wide variety of work choices that encompasses each individuals career options. Within this career there are external components such as specific competencies, knowledge and skills required to fulfill the job requirements. Each of us will also have a deeper motivation for doing what we do. Identifying these motivations will help you to understand how to make positive career choices that will provide maximum satisfaction and allow you to live with integrity.

A career anchor is the core values, competencies and motives that guide your perception of the ideal job. There are eight identified career anchors that will remain constant through your working life.

 The career anchor questionnaire helps one to analyze the following:

  • What are my talents, skills and areas of competence?
  • What are my strengths and weaknesses?
  • What are my main motives needs and drives?
  • What are the criteria (values) that I judge what I am doing?

Schein’s concept of career anchor arose from a study that determined how managerial careers developed. It involved a longtitudal study of 44 graduates of the Masters at the Sloan school of management. They were interviewed after five years and then after ten years of employment. From this study and interviews with several hundred people in varying stages of careers the common themes were developed into the career anchor concept (Schein. P.19,20)

These eight career anchors are summarized below.

Security and Continuity

This is a very common anchor and relates to job security, steady and regular income and time-related career progression. If you are result-oriented, willing to take risks and believe in achievement-related career progression, and do not want to sacrifice your personal ambitions at the altar of the organisation, then this anchor may not be yours. On the other hand, if you are willing to sacrifice freedom, initiative and go by the rule book with time-related promotions, then this is the career anchor you subscribe to.

Technical/functional competence

Here, the actual content of the job becomes important, since you intend to use your technical and functional competence on the job. It is important to understand that other than this competence, you may or may not look for other motivators and satisfiers.

Once market salary achieved they will seek bigger budgets, more areas of responsibility, and increased scope of job.

Personal growth

If you view life in the organisation as a continuous process of personal growth, increasing your knowledge, competence, capabilities and abilities, this is your career anchor. In the absence of these opportunities, you would consider your career stagnant and would not care to work for such an organisation.

General Managerial Competence Status

This is a very strong career anchor and should appeal to you if you are willing to take risks and work continuously towards going up the ladder, obtaining additional perks and benefits at each step.

Specialisation is viewed as a trap.  They have the ability to identify, analyse, synthesise and solve problems under conditions of incomplete information and uncertainty. Financial, marketing, technological, human and other elements have to be combined into problem statements that are relevant to the success of the organization. Be able to think cross functionally and integratively.

Autonomy

People with entrepreneurial attitudes and skills, who want to become intrapreneurs relate very well to this career anchor. Government jobs, public sector organisations, where rules are more important than results, will create discomfort for those who subscribe to this career anchor.

They cannot stand to be bound by others rules, procedures, working hours, dress codes etc.  Regardless of where they work or on what these people have an overriding need to do it their way, in their own time and against their own standards. Contract or project work “ with defined goals but left up to them as to how to do it.

Security / Stability

Need to feel safe and secure in their job. All people like to feel this to a certain degree but for these people it dictates all their career decisions. They often seek tenure, have good retirement plans, avoid layoffs, and image of being strong and reliable.  Government jobs are perfect for these people.  Prefer steady predictable performance.

Entrepreneurial Creativity

The need to create their own businesses by developing new products or services or by taking over existing businesses and reshaping them.  Tend to get bored easy.  Have need to invent or create new products and services in their enterprises or start new ones.

Making money is a measure of success for these people.  Ownership is most important issue. They don’t pay themselves well but retain ownership of stock.

Autonomy people want to run their own businesses for the freedom.  Entrepreneurs want to run them to prove that they can create a business.  Most start very early in life.  Have other conventional jobs whilst looking for an idea or business to take over.  Have willingness to drop job when opportunity comes along. Also will forfeit autonomy and stability to get the idea to work.

They want to move into which ever role is key to the creativity of the company. (head of R&D or the Board)  Can be self-centred and seeking high personal

Pure Challenge

They enjoy solving unsolvable problems or winning against impossibly tough opponents. High level strategy consultants fit this category relishing more and more difficult kind of strategic assignments. Seek daily combat or competition. Opportunity for self-tests are more important than any other thing about the job  not the area of work, pay system or type of recognition.

Can sometimes be very single minded. If there is no use of their competitive skill then they get bored and irritable.

Lifestyle

Can be highly motivated to fulfilling career but it must at the same time be integrated with total lifestyle. Balancing the needs of the individual, the family and the career.

Flexibility is valued above all else. Options sought include part-time work, sabbaticals, paternity and maternity leave, day-car options, flexible working hours, working from home etc. An organizations attitude to the needs of a person with this career anchor is important.

Work climate and culture

You are anchored to your career by work climate and culture, seek peace of mind, limited stress, good interpersonal relationships and a conflict-free workplace. Other factors and parameters come second. People who relate to this career anchor usually retire mentally a few years after joining the organisation.

Signs of a mid life crisis and how to stay young

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Official definition: A mid-life crisis is an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is halfway over.There are certain characteristics that are typical. Below is a list of some of these:

  • search of an undefined dream or goal
  • desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
  • acquiring of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, muscle cars, jewelery, gadgets, etc.
  • paying extra special attention to physical appearance
  • need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
  • a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
  • an underlying desire to initiate new sexual partnerships

I need to think about this. I won’t give you my score at the moment but I reckon some of these are a bit close to the mark.

I think one of the bigger issues that I am facing is the realisation of my own mortality. The longer I go on the more I hear about people my age or younger who have died. For most of my life this wouldn’t have been too big of a problem except now I have 4 kids and a wife and I really don’t want to leave them at the moment. But then just the other day I was helping a lady whose husband died tragically leaving his 3 young kids with no father. This is a tragedy and it happens all the time.

That is the emotional side of it. Reality says there is still plenty to go if we abide by the law of averages.

Is this my mid-life crises starting to work itself out in my blog?

I thought that I would add this on how to stay young.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1.. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them”

2. Keep only cheerful friends .. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer , crafts, gardening , whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud . Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music , plants, hobbies , whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don’t take guilt trips .. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away ..

And if you don ‘t send this to at least 8 people – who cares! But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

Year 6 – Finding my soul in the workplace

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Ministry in the Workplace

This year began a difficult internal struggle. At first I enjoyed the novelty of teaching at the High School. As time went on I slowly became frustrated with the system. But, I think there was more to it. I continually felt my heart saying that I belonged in ministry. I didn’t doubt that I had done the right thing in studying for a teaching degree. However, I became more certain that I didn’t want to be a Manual Arts teacher for the rest of my life.

I found the Sunday morning services very difficult to attend. I found them boring, irrelevant and often lacking any life as I would understand it. I had to ask myself was it simply because I was no longer the centre of the service? Or perhaps what I was experiencing was the reason why many people drop out of church?

I think that I was searching for a sense of vocation. Where I was able to see a synthesis in my life between work, rest, family, church and play. In my life there was a dichotomy between work and everything else. Work was what I went to and couldn’t wait to be away from. Weekends offered the chance to do things I enjoyed away from something I found tedious.

My entire Christian life had been spent in Christian ministry. For the past 10 years I never had a day where I felt misplaced. Although I hadn’t thought it through I had a sense of vocation. As a Pastor I felt integrated. My personal spiritual life was interwoven with my calling as a church leader.

Eugene Peterson describes in his introduction to “Under the Unpredictable Plant”, the abyss that developed between his private spiritual life and his pastoral life. As I moved away from full time ministry I discovered a gaping hole in my spiritual life. Once the role of Pastor was taken from me I discovered there was a “bad land” of neglected sin and nothingness.

Peterson says that this abyss was not before him but within him. This was also true of myself. No one ever questioned me about my calling. People are mainly concerned about whether you are listening to them, pastoral competency is not usually measure by one’s holiness but by

“Perhaps life is not a race whose only goal is being foremost. Perhaps the truth lies in what most of the world outside the modern west has always believed, namely that there are practices of life good in themselves that are inherently fulfilling. Perhaps work that is intrinsically rewarding is better for human beings than work that is only extrinsically rewarded. Perhaps enduring commitment to those we love and civic friendship toward our fellow citizens are preferable to restless competition and anxious self-defense. Perhaps common worship, in which we express out gratitude and wonder in the face of mystery of being itself, is the most important thing of all. If so we will have to change our lives and begin to remember what we have been happier to forget.”[2]

When I read this quote from Tim Costello’s book, “Tips from a travelling soul searcher”, my heart responded with a fervent, “Yes. This is what I want.” What I desired was not to be the biggest and the best but to be able to strive within myself to discover that contentment. Without a synthesis of work, worship, rest and play I would always fall short of this mark.

The difficulty I faced was how do I do this when I really felt that I should be doing something else? Sometimes when sharing this with other people they would quote scriptures that tells us to be content in all circumstances, or they would give the sound advice that we can serve God wherever we are. Both statements are totally correct but I think these responses are similar to Job’s friends’ evaluation of his plight. Their conclusions didn’t quite hit their target. They may be true sometimes but they don’t deal with the whole problem.

There were the obvious things that I needed to work on. My attitude stunk. I was talking myself in believing from the very beginning of each day that I hated my work. I told myself that I was dealt with unfairly by administration and that I wasn’t well supported when dealing with difficult students or fellow staff members.

[1] Peterson, E., 1992, Under the Unpredictable Plant, Eerdmans, Chicago.

[2] Costello, T. Tips from a travelling soul searcher, P. 78

We’ ve found Jesus – Again

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Does this sound familiar?

Jesus had a son named Judah and was buried alongside Mary Magdalene, according to a new documentary by Hollywood film director James Cameron.(BBC)

It is true for religion as well as every other aspect of life that we sometimes seem to just want to go around in the same tired old circles. It seems that this particular one has still got a few rounds left in it.
They don’t mention that all this was found 30 years ago and that they were not believed to the the amazing discovery that is being touted at the moment.

Anyway it doesn’t matter really. It just shows how easily we are caught up in something that is obviously false and rather tired.

The trouble is that this is often the way that we live life. The search for truth is lost in our fascination with the bizarre and the trivial.

Local residents said they were pleased with the attention the tomb has drawn.“It will mean our house prices will go up because Christians will want to live here,” one woman said.

I think that this sums up this “latest discovery” by this director. Forget what is true and get people arguing about it. There will be some money there for someone?

Cutting back

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I realised the other day that in an information saturated world that I just can’t keep up. I am interested in many things including:

  • Blogging
  • Online learning
  • Open source software
  • Web 2.0
  • 2nd LIfe
  • Theology
  • Family
  • Work
  • Christian living
  • Personal development

And I am sure that there are more. In fact I am an intensely curious person. I love learning and enjoy people. My Bloglines account reflected my interest in many of the things that I have listed above. But, I couldn’t keep up any longer. Even though Steve Pavlina (who I admire greatly) can read at a thousand words a minute, absorb it and do something with that information I can’t. So after missing 1236 articles from Wired I decided that something had to be done.
So I have decided to stop.

I spent some time paring down my Bloglines account.

Here are the people that I read about now:

  • The Blog Herald – to keep up with the Blogosphere – they do a great job of keeping me up to date to the
  • Pro-Blogger – I am not sure if I will keep this one. Darren has put out a lot of great posts but I find I get a little bored with the content. It seems to be the same stuff over and over. But if I ever want to research about what to do to create a professional blog this is the one that I would start with.
  • Steve Addison – World Changers blog. I love the stuff that he shares it inspires me to want to do great things as well.
  • Tech Crunch – Either you love or hate Arrington there are plenty of people with plenty of opinions about him but it can’t be denied that this is the definitive blog to stay in touch with what’s happening in the web world.
  • Steve Pavlina – A great example of what to do when no-one else is doing it and succeed.

That’s about it. There are a few more but these are the ones who post most regularly and who I tend to read most of their posts.

Time management

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One thing that I can’t write about at the moment is time management. At the moment my time is managing me. My reading has been fairly sporadic and as a result I feel that I have had very little to say.

But, I did have a chance recently to hear on the radio an interesting comment on relationships and in particular the importance of a father, daughter relationship. There is undeniable evidence backed by solid research that the sort of relationship a father has with their kids impacts on the child’s future.

One of the things that stood out to me was the role a father has in their daughter’s life. I guess having three daughters and realising that more than likely in the future that one day they are going to be married made me very aware that the sort of relationship that I have with them now will prepare them to meet the right guy in the future.

What do I try to do to make sure that this happens:

– I try to spend time with them and ask them about their day.
– I pray with them every day.
– I listen to them
– I play with them
– I laugh with them
– I love their mother
– I am completely faithful to their mother
– I set boundaries for their behaviour

It was also mentioned that it is not the family structure that matters but the quality of the relationships within that structure. The premise is that the structure serves the relationships and not the other way around.

In saying this I realise that I am not the perfect father and I acknowledge that I am not always the perfect husband but I take seriously my role as a father.

Happy? Valentines Day

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Valentines Card From Sophia
I think that this is the first Valentines card that I have ever received. It is also the best one. In all the commercialism that comes with Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Valentines day this card to me was priceless.My life was fulfilled when I realised that I was the best Dad she ever had.

It is interesting that when we talk about happiness we often will say, money can’t buy it.”

But if you trace this worldwide map of happiness it becomes very obvious that there is a correlation between wealth and happiness. I think that we tend to say it when we are in a position not to worry about meeting our everyday needs and we begin to think about our higher purposes. Time to do this only comes when we have enough money and spare time to contemplate such issues.

This is not to say that if we don’t have money we can’t be thinking about spirituality and the deeper meaning of life. It says to me though that the reason why so many of us are depressed is because we have realised the superficiality of our lives and the fact that money hasn’t changed that.

valentines-daysmall.JPG

Big Changes

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Our family has recently had some huge changes which may explain my lack of blogging lately. I know that I have talked about it but the reality of leaving my role as a pastor is really starting to sink in. I have hit the reality of being self employed with a rude awakening.

First Principle – If you don’t work you don’t earn any money. Not a big surprise and perhaps an obvious truth for many of us. Some of the immediacy of this can be hidden from behind the protective layers of sick pay, holiday pay and many of the other protective aspects of working for a wage.

So I have been working hard. Not because I think that I am getting rich but because of the tyranny of the urgent. I have been also working hard physically which has been a bit of a shock for my 42 year old body that hasn’t seen a lot of really hard work for quite a long time.

Second Principle – Hard physical work is good for the soul. It clears the mind of some of the trash and superfluous rubbish that can come in when we have the time and energy to indulge in such things. Lately I have got home and stayed awake till about 8.30 pm and then fallen into a very deep sleep.

Finally – there is life outside blogging, although I must admit I have missed it a lot. After not posting very regularly I realise  I have missed putting my thoughts down and sharing them with others.  I have also missed reading the thoughts of others and gaining from their insights.

Be encouraging to your wife – it’s good for your marriage

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New research indicates that people with cheerleader partners have a higher level of relationship satisfaction.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 91, No. 5), the way you respond to your partner’s good news is an important factor in relationship health.  The researchers found that research participants whose partners responded to their achievements in an energetic and constructive way (i.e.: “You really deserve that promotion, you’re going to do great!) reported higher levels of satisfaction.  Another important finding was that this cheerleading support was a better predictor of satisfaction in the relationship than compassionate response to disappointing news.

We live in a world where there is just so much negativity and sometimes it can filter into our marriages. Why not think about adding something positive to the most important relationship that you will have in this life. Be ready to affirm your partner’s success.

How’s your job going?

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None of the material that follows is mine but I can identify with much of what is written.

The Career Manifesto

1. Unless you’re working in a coal mine, an emergency ward, or their equivalent, spare us the sad stories about your tough job. The biggest risk most of us face in the course of a day is a paper cut.

3. You are paid to take meaningful actions, not superficial ones. Don’t brag about that memo you sent out or how hard you work. Tell us what you achieved.

4. Although your title may be the same, the job that you were hired to do three years ago is probably not the job you have now. When you are just coasting and not thinking several steps ahead of your responsibilities, you are in dinosaur territory and a meteor is coming.

5. If you suspect that you’re working in a madhouse, you probably are. Even sociopaths have jobs. Don’t delude yourself by thinking you’ll change what the organization regards as a turkey farm. Flee.

6. Your technical skills may impress the other geeks, but if you can’t get along with your co-workers, you’re a litigation breeder. Don’t be surprised if management regards you as an expensive risk.

7. If you have a problem with co-workers, have the guts to tell them, preferably in words of one syllable.

8. Don’t believe what the organization says it does. Its practices are its real policies. Study what is rewarded and what is punished and you’ll have a better clue as to what’s going on.

9. Don’t expect to be perfect. Focus on doing right instead of being right. It will simplify the world enormously.

10.If you plan on showing them what you’re capable of only after you get promoted, you need to reverse your thinking.

There is so much truth in what is written here. It’s obviously a tongue in cheek but with a enough truth to make me think about the way that I work.